When Beauty Gets Bizarre


I get loads of pitches, each day. Many of them are new launches from companies I love and I'm so thrilled to be the first to know. I am. But then there are the oddities. I don't mean the pitches I get for resorts or other non-related stuff. I'm talking about the beauty stuff that is straight up strange. Maybe it's not strange to everyone. Maybe I'm not cool enough to get excited by these things or maybe they just aren't for me or my aesthetic. Are any of these for you?




My favorite pitch of all time was for a belly button smell remover. Apparently, a lot of people go through life with stinky belly buttons. I imagine those whose regimens lack detailed hygiene could fall prey to belly button stink. Or maybe people with cavernous belly buttons can't reach the nooks and crannies of their own tiny cave. I don't know. But is that something we need? I hope not, because as of today, their site NavelFresh Spray.com is defunct.

Yesterday, I got a pitch for the woman who doesn't have time to manage her own hygiene. I get it. It's hard out there for a woman. You've got to be perfect, all of the time. And not just perfect in how you act towards others, or even in the kindness you show yourself. You've got to be magazine-ready, all of the time. Which is why a new "common" procedure to inject botox into your scalp to stop sweating during your workouts to save your blowouts is gaining traction in my inbox. Now I love a good blowout as much as the next girl. And I'm fortunate that my head doesn't sweat excessively. But I'm not sure I want to live in a world where you need to stop your head from sweating to preserve your blowout. I just don't know that we need to take things that far. Maybe it's a great idea for the woman on the go with no time to manage her hair (and trust me, I know all about scheduling hair time). Maybe your head is supposed to sweat for a reason? I'm not above using botox on smelly feet, dank arm pits (no beadazzling there either, please) or on your face. But maybe you have to choose between being perfect at hot yoga and having the perfect blowout. Maybe we can just agree that perfection is a high standard to maintain, let alone achieve a few times in our lives. Maybe. However, one reader just pointed out that a recent study cited preservation of hair styles as one of the leading reasons that kept some women from exercising. So maybe this is a viable alternative?

And then there is the pitch from the Japanese company, Marai Clinical. They've apparently been hard at work figuring out how not to smell like an elderly person. The pitch goes back and forth between discussing banishing noneal smell (the smell of older folks) and banishing vaginal odor, as if they are both the same thing. Their website is filled with information about how not to smell like an older person (no, I'm not sure how old you have to be to smell). Apparently, persimmon is the key and that isn't wildly available in the US. I'm not really convinced they didn't buy up the lot of left over belly button stank be-gone and repackage it. Maybe this is a thing people care about and I'm just not there yet. Maybe they think I'm old and need to rid myself of my own smell. Or maybe the Japanese are just light years ahead of us when thinking we aren't good enough as we are.

Either way, I'm willing to be it's not true. You don't need a botoxed scalp or smell remover that goes beyond proper hygiene*. Even if you aren't quite perfect.

Do you need any of this? Thoughts?


*obvs if you have a medical condition, you may want to seek treatment. But I'm betting you are fine as you are. 


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