6.13.2013

Seven Things No One Tells You When You Are Growing Out Your Hair.


Unless you're a new reader (there is no other excuse I can think of), you know that I've been growing my hair out for the last three and a half years. It started as a super short pixie, a la Halle Berry, and is now mere inches away from being able to get stuck in my armpit.

Which is honestly my official goal.

Ask my stylist Bethany. I said, "I just want to be able to hold it in my armpit." I swear I'm lucky she still lets me make appointments.

(Good times on my 21st birthday as a blonde. No, there isn't another person in my sweatshirt and my shoulders were not that wide.)

I've had super short hair for my entire adult life and having long hair for the first time is kind of like learning to live with an animal you've never met before. It grows on you (rim shot!) but it takes some getting used to. And like every other animal, longer hair has its own quirks.


No one tells you these things when you consider growing out your hair. While none of them are actually deal breakers, they are strangely annoying. Have they happened to you?


1. Your hair gets stuck in weird places. Like car doors. Maybe it's part of me being a klutz, but that has happened to me on more than one occasion. Am I the only one?

2. Your partner will sleep on your hair, causing quite the startle when awakened by searing scalp pain. It's not all romantic and beautiful like it is in the movies. If it's not my husband on my hair it's Ernie, our blind dog who is apparently filled with lead.


3. It gets in your butt crack. I thought I was the only one this happened to, until I mentioned it to a few of my co-workers. When you wash your hair, you shed. Sometimes, for us lucky ones, it stops by your crack and never moves on. When you wash your tush, your body poof collects the extra hair.  It's honestly a little shocking. Why doesn't anyone ever mention this?


4. Having long hair in warm weather is like wearing a ski cap in the desert. I have really thick hair and every time I blow dry my hair, I spend an extra few minutes cool-shooting my whole head so I won't sweat like a CEO in Oscar Bluth's sweat lodge. It's amazing how much heat your hair traps.


5. You become afraid of windows. Not because I'm afraid my hair will get caught in them (although maybe I should be.)  Gods forbid you are riding along happily in a car, singing a song from the 80's with your friends, and then some wise arse puts a window down. One minute, you're all cute and the next, there are thousands of little whips swirling around and beating you in the eye balls. At least I understand why everyone with long hair wears hair ties like fashion accessories with really expensive watches.


6. Even worse, you'll do it to yourself. Picture you walking down a corridor, hair in a sassy, mid-head pony. Someone calls your name and you whip your head around to see who called you. A half second later, you give your own eye a swift lashing. Your own eye! Luckily, I wear glasses, the only thing preventing serious damage to my right eye. My sister Abz has real issues with this, however. 


7. Cats like to eat it. I can't explain why, but my cat loves to try to eat my hair. Not only is this probably bad for the cat, it's not good for my hair. I have tons of weird little pieces because he loves to nuzzle me and purr. And then chomp and shake my hair, like he's wrestling a ninja. Then he licks it, like it's a friend he wants to keep. It's a horrible way to wake up. And it's really horrible when the cat thinks your hair is fighting back and his claws snag your ear.

While none of this is dreadful enough for me to go short (at least right now), I do wish someone would have warned me. What else should potential-long-hairs be weary of? What quirks does your hair have? Share them, will ya?

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24 comments:

  1. I love any post that features 'blast from the past' pix!!! Keep 'em coming!

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  2. This is hysterical! Yes, long hair that is loose when you are in a convertible is dangerous and painful!! I have almost gotten in accidents due to forgetting a hair tie. Don't long hair loose and drive.

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  3. This made me laugh. My cat grooms me, too. Have you gotten your hair caught in a sun roof yet? That's pretty awesome too. And the butt crack thing...um, yeah. That's something no one really talks about, but it's a thing.

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  4. ROFL!! Yes, this is ALL true. I laughed extra hard at the butt crack thing. But it doesn't *just* happen in the shower either. Somehow it occasionally sneaks past the elastic on my underwear.
    Also one thing you didn't mention...when you grab your handbag and put the straps on your shoulder...sometimes it'll grab your hair. Expecially painful and easy to do when it's a patent bag.
    Also, I recommend sleeping with your hair up or in a loose braid. (I NOW understand why they slept with braids and/or those ridiculous looking elasticized hats on "The Little House on the Prairie". =D

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    1. Yeah, totally get the bag thing, and coats/jackets with the buttons on the shoulders. Mine get tangled in my necklaces too :S

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  5. 100% accurate. My hair is down to my lower back right now. My boyfriend complains that he'll find my hair in his underwear, and at night he'll wake up with my hair entwined in his toes.

    I think my cat actually eats the hair she finds on the ground. Since it's so long... yeah. When I scoop the litter box I see her poops connected by what looks like my hair... so weird.

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  6. I always have trouble with the window and driving, It doesn't matter if my hair is sleeked into a pony tail or not, I can not open the window when driving even if it is super hot and there is no A.C. My hair goes everywhere and block my visions and it will not stay out of my eyes.

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  7. Great post. My laugh for the day. I'm all about the COOL SHOT. I'm so hot by the time I'm done blow drying my hair that I go sit in front of a fan.

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  8. All true! My hubby LOVES driving with the sunroof down so he can pretend we have a convertible... I HATE having the sunroof down...way worse than the window. And yes, I've caught my hair in the window and in the car door. And just today a strand fell off while I was painting a small child and it felt like a spider... it was all I could do to calmly glance down to see what was tickling and keep smiling and painting...

    I consider chopping it all off, but then I remember i have curly hair and long curly hair is much better than Bozo-the-clown short curly hair...

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  9. So true, so funny, even the unspoken one about the butt crack. I just hate when I put the electric window up while in the car and then turn my head.Ouch!

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  10. OMG ive been reading you for so long and had no idea you had a blind dog made of lead too! its a nightmare on my hair! He is a chihuahua but is as heavy as a cement doorstop. He lays directly on my head and nestles in my hair. and what am i supposed to do? be mean? he's blind!

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  11. My cat likes to lick and chew on my hair, only on the top of my head. I thought he was the only one!

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  12. I absolutely love this post! Everything is so true!

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  13. I have shortish hair I'm growing out right now but I've mostly had long hair. When its long enough I put it up in a pony tail on top of my head to sleep. Looks weird but I can't stand it all over my face at night plus it stops of the sudden wake up when the cat walks on it.

    Don't forget the agony of getting your hair caught in your sunglasses when you've been out in the wind. Ouch.

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  14. yep, pretty much. that's why i cut mine off. also, i rarely blew mine dry. who has that kind of time? i certainly don't. enjoy!

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  15. Just wait until it gets long enough you have to worry about giving yourself whiplash by sitting back against something. It's unapparent until you try to move your head :P

    I got tired of the hair craziness, and cut mine all off after growing it out for 8 years.

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  16. Get yourself a good hair trap for the shower drain... before you have a plumbing issue.

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    1. I completely second this! My hair just (barely) reaches my arm pits but a good hair trap is a complete necessity.

      You know what else sucks about long hair? How HEAVY it can get--especially when you have a lot of hair. I especially hate the weight when my bun or ponytail flops up and down as I jog or work out. My hair stylist finds it funny that I keep begging her to find ways to take more length off--but kept JUST long enough to look good pulled back. After taking off the weight, neck/shoulder muscles I didn't know were tense always relax in relief. I love how my head feels like it's floating after a cut.

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  17. It not only get's stuck in your arse, but also your hoohaa. Car windows are true enemies when wearing lip gloss. That hair pulls it and then it slides across your face ruining your perfect application of foundation...
    Don't forget about uneven growth!

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  18. Babies. Babies will grab onto whatever they can reach and NOT LET GO. If that happens to be your hair, it's like pulling gum out when you have to pry their little sticky hands open to release your hair. And I had two! (Babies, that is!)

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  19. Windows are bad, but mine is really long and likes to get caught in the seatbelt winder when I'm pulling it out or retracting the seatbelt. Horrible! But I wouldn't cut my hair for anything.

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  20. Headaches! the longer your hair gets you could end up with headaches especally with thick hair, the massive weight just pulls down on your neck and scalp and just weighs you down.

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  21. nice tips on growing your hair.i will follow them.A cool advice is not to fasten them tightly with rubber band as it reduces hair growth and breaks them

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