"This Lip Gloss is How Parents Should Punish Their Kids."


I ran into my sister-in-law JLouis at the mall last night. This fulfilled one of my childhood fantasies about how cool it would be to have a sister you just run into when out and about. I'm an only child, and I have several sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, and a guy I adopted off of Facebook. But I've never run into any of them randomly and sat down for a lovely chat that ended with makeup shopping.


So after a chat about Mr. Cakes, life and dog agility, we moved on to Sephora. While there, we checked out the new Urban Decay shadows (I picked up mushroom). We are both always on the hunt for new poppy-colored lipsticks, although based on the number of products that are in JLouis's makeup bag, I appear to be a much better hunter that she.

Naturally, we had to stop and look at this new gloss from Per-fekt, which comes in pretty colors, including our beloved poppy shade. So I applied it with the excitement of discovering something fabulous. I stared at myself in the poorly lit Sephora mirror and did the new gloss lip mush. And then it hit me. It. Was. All. Wrong. I looked at JLouis with part glee and part evil and said what every red-blooded American would say. "Trust me. You have to put this on. Do it!" and with that, my trusting little sister in law applied the beautiful peachy shade to her perfectly shaped full lips.


(These are swatches of the gloss.)

And then, I stared at her with my evil glee. "Well?"

JLouis looked at me, smiled and asked "What? What is wrong? It's really pretty."

Continuing to smile with the type of anticipation that is not becoming on a proper lady, I said, "Wait for it. Live in it. Mush it around." Then, as I fully expected, her face slowly turned from the happy thought of discovering next week's Must Have Monday to sheer horror.

"What is it doing? What is happening? Is this real life? What did you do to me?" she asked warily. Smirking, I said, "Hmmm? What do you mean?"

"It's like it's pretty gloss, with a minty taste. It's nice. And then, then it changes. It becomes a, I don't know what. It's like someone snuck in my mouth and put baby powder on my tongue. And behind my teeth. And down my throat. This is awful. Can I have a tissue to wipe my tongue please? You did that on purpose. This is not what sisters do to each other. You are not good at this sisterly stuff yet. You still need practice."*

I laughed at JLouis with love, and without remorse. So it looks pretty and then gets funky. JLouis said it best with her review of this product:

"People should use this to punish their kids. Forget about soap and water. That was a million times worse."

* she would never tell me I'm not good at being her sister. But I'm certain she was thinking it. Xoxox




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12 comments:

  1. That's exactly how I feel about Booty Parlor Kissaholic Lip Gloss...worst tasting stuff EVER! Thanks for the warning about this brand, I'll pass

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  2. Maybe it's been sitting in the back for a bit? It certainly hadn't been on the shelves for too long. I'd never seen it before and I got a few times per week.

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  3. Ewwww. That looks gross. Maybe it's been sitting on the shelf for a while..... Great title though.

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  4. Ha! You would have to try harder than that... :-)

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  5. Feh is all I can say! And I didn't mean to insult you; I hope you know that!

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  6. I don't know if I have a mean streak, but I do like sharing smells and tastes that go horribly wrong with willing people to see the face they make. :-)

    The product was supposed to do everything. I have no clue if it performs those actions or not. But it does make your mouth feel like it's suddenly filled with baby powder or Mylanta. If you like either of those in your mouth, then this is perfect for you!

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  7. Was there something wrong with it, or was it supposed to do something like plump your lips, but missed horribly with the formula? Gouldy, you have a mean streak (but a nice one, if that makes sense) ;) 

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  8. Damn it, if only this was around 10 yrs ago when I had a teenager!! Say hi to JLouis for me!!

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  9. That's so funny! I almost feel the need to try this now, although it's probably a good thing that I am on the opposite side of the globe to the nearest sephora.

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